relationship Advice: Words Can Hurt or Heal

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"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

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Remember that minute rhyme from childhood?

It's wrong.

And more than that, it's a lie. Words are very powerful. Words can hurt or heal, build up or tear down, relax or curse.

According to Mike Gordon, pastor at CenterPoint Church in Ocala, Fla., very few of us are prone to slice and dice our partner with our words.

At the same time, most of us are guilty of development minute cuts, or "nicking" those we love with our words.

Have you nicked your partner lately?

And no, I do not mean shaving. I mean nicking with your words. The minute cuts and jabs, the sarcasm and put-downs we sometimes carelessly throw out there.

It took me just about the whole first year of marriage to figure out that what some of my friends found hilarious, my wife did not find at all amusing at best, and cut and hurt her at worst.

Other folks excuse "nicking" as just being brutally honest. In my experience, most of the folks who brag about being brutally honest enjoy the brutality more than the honesty.

John Powell said, "The genius of communication is the potential to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time."

The power of the tongue

Our tongue, and the words that come from it, has anticipated power. Words have the power to hurt or to heal, to tear down or build up, and to curse or comfort.

How have you been using your words with the one you say you love? If you perceive you have been doing some nicking up until now, here are two things you can do:

1) Make a commitment to use your words to relax not curse, heal not hurt, build up not tear down

2) Go to your love and apologize for nicking in the past and let the one you love know you intend to convert this bad habit. The words could be something like:

"I perceive I have nicked you and hurt you with my words, and I apologize and hope you can forgive me. I'm also development a commitment to you to operate my tongue in the future."

A word of warning as you apologize. I know of one gentlemen who apologized by saying "I need to tell you I am sorry for nicking you." Well, somehow what she heard was "I want to apologize for Nicky."

You can imagine how the conversation took an unexpected detour from there.

The above example, and the one below, demonstrate just how very much the words we select to use matter to those we love.

Different words, distinct result

A country boy fell head over heels for a minute girl who lived down the lane. The qoute was, every time he got colse to her, his knees shook and he stammered when he tried to speak. He just had no clue about how to talk to this girl.

So one day he went to town and followed a city boy who was known for being good with the ladies, trying to pick up some tips. The country boy listened as the city boy looked deep into the eyes of his girlfriend and said "Your charm could make time stand still."

"That's it!" he said, and rushed back to the country and found his girl. Taking her by the hand under the apple tree, he looked deep into her eyes and said, "Your face could stop a clock."

Same content. distinct words. Very distinct result.

Remember, you have a choice, hurt or heal, tear down or build up, curse or comfort.

Which words would you like to use, and which words would you like to be used with you?

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Ending a relationship Gracefully

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Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you must end a relationship most habitancy find it absorbing as they have feelings towards their partner and do not wish to hurt them.

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How is Ending a relationship Gracefully

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More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the someone ending the relationship as it is on the someone being broken up with. Perceive that a someone is breaking up has nothing to do with caring about an additional one person. Caring about somebody and wanting a relationship are not the same.

The majority of habitancy on this planet do not like to hurt others, especially somebody they have been close to. Guilt has been used more often than not to keep relationships together. Fight this urge and believe in yourself! When you allow guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you'll take care of resentment towards the other someone which could lead to greater pain and heart ache in the future. Why would you want to be with somebody who makes you feel bad by allowing you to feel guilty? Respect yourself!

A man should exit gracefully by planning the break up, to minimize the grief caused to his partner

Don't just ignore her hoping she will consideration and go away. You might have learned a minuscule bit about push /pull as a term we use in seduction. That only tends to bring somebody in closer. Which is the exact opposite of what you want.

The I think you're a great girl and I don't deserve you line will seem Ok to her at first, but later on she will start to resent that. She could also go into how you Do deserve her and try to convince you.

Honesty precisely is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.

When you break up, Do it in person. Show some integrity and sincerity to tell her that the relationship isn't going anywhere. In our workshops we teach how verbal transportation is only 7% of the total transportation between people. If she also sees complete off body language it will be easier for closure for her eventually.

Telling somebody you are breaking up in someone is never easy, but you owe it to her to break the news to her personally. This means not on the phone, surely not over e-mail, but rather, face to face where she can get eye caress and read your body language. The universal line of " we need to talk." should be given in advance. This allows her to prepare for what is arrival and helps soften the blow a minuscule bit. Do not put too much time between the "We need to talk" and actual breakup as the waiting time in between is very uncomfortable if delayed long.

On doing some study on this I read a advice about breaking up in the exact same place you met if possible. This is to suggest that the relationship has completed a circle. A place where she has a lot of happy memories might help neutralize some of the new sad ones.

Ending a relationship gracefully means speaking our piece without blame or judgment and not taking accountability for another's feelings. It is prominent to make eye contact,and give body language that is open while you are communicating (which suggests you are Very open to what you are saying) than give complete off body language after finishing your piece. To suggest you are not open to hearing whatever else. Say your words sincerely, leave no room for doubt, and never back down- especially when she starts to cry and you feel horrible.

Than give that someone some space ordinarily a few months at least. Do not try to get cozy with the someone as this can precisely mess with somebody's head a lot as they will use this as hope that you are getting back together. This is the only way to keep pain to a minimum when ending a relationship.

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